I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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