Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
