Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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