you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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