He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
