Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
