That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
