I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
