i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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