She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
