pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
