New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
