Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
