you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
