Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
