i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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