so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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