does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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