i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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