I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
