But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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