Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
