lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I want a musical about memes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
