remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
