I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
