well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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