there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
