a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
