fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
