is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
