I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
