Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
