God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
