I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
