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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
