Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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