i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
