You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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