I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
