note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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