If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
