His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
