You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
