the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
