I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
