Your face is a jimmy john
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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