There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
