My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
