You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
