You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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