I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm passing your future prison.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
