I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
