I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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