did you get engaged???
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
